The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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