i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
