and she was petting her beer can
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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