my sisters under your porch take her home
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
