who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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