A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
