I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
