Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
