Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm having to shit out rocks
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
