We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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