If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I wish there were birth control emojis
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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