the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
