dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
