he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
