dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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