Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
