We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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