What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
