I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
