Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You've changed since you got that strap on
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
