don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
