RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Holy sore nipples Batman
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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