I feel great
I just peed on a car
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
