If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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