Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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