While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
