the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
