She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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