found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
