why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
