Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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