her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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