I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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