TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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