4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
