wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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