my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
