So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
