He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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