Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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