It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
