your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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