if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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