he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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