Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize