Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
