It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
