What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
