So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
