she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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