...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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