census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My dick has a subreddit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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