Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
