Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
