Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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