saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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