During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
So vagazzling was a success
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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