Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
