i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
