I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
