so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
