Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
