I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
