My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
