I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
