Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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