Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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