I skipped work to stalk him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
