just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
