Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize