Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
